Sorbate, you are one of the most geneuine people out there with a kind heart and good intentions for everyone. I truly hope you reach the light at the end of the tunnel as Bagua had given a great analogy.
Around grade 2, carbon monoxide poisoning and just over two weeks ago, a stroke. The 20+ years in between, a constant struggle to survive, take care of the family, and achieve certain goals, which all resulted in me being so fed up of life and everything and the betrayal from friends, relationships, employers, and to this day even some professors who I looked up to and got used like a naïve idiot. All of this made me feel.... I seriously cannot find the words to describe, but just tired, so damn tired.
Not only physical, but the mental struggle.
The mental struggle brought on by the physical. The deteriorating physical condition(s) due to my mental state not accepting regression and forcing myself to push past it but only to find myself at a worsened state. It will be a never ending cycle unless we all realize that a healthy body equals a healthy mind and vice-versa.
The resilience of all the individuals on this board sets a great example and you are one of the people I look up to. Give yourself the proper time to rest and the professional help needed without being impatient for results.
How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.
So day by day think and imagine how much improvement you will make and never forget that your best days are ahead of you.
Just keep being positive and being yourself, the universe always has a way of course correcting. This is what I think of and surprisingly, it helps me stay focused and calm and not angry (not at the world or people, but at myself).