Something funny....

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
 
I went to the doctor's office the other day and found out that my new doctor is young, female and drop dead gorgeous. I was embarrassed, but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll check it out. I said, "My wife thinks that my dick tastes funny."
 
I went to the doctor's office the other day and found out that my new doctor is young, female and drop dead gorgeous. I was embarrassed, but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll check it out. I said, "My wife thinks that my dick tastes funny."

I saw her too, tendonitis in my elbow.
Almost immediately she says "you're going to have to stop masturbating".
I was not happy about that "Oh no, for how long?"
She says "At least until I get out of this examination room please"
 
I was offered sex today with a 21 year old girl. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standards with a strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available scented with lemon or vanilla.
 
Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one en-

gaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks

after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how

best to spice up their sex lives.



After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by

engaging in some S&M role playing.



The following week they met up again to compare notes.

Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last

Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's

office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people

had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather

bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so

aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right

then and there!"



The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my

story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me

waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose

and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only

screwed all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!



The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot

of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over

at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put

on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice,

a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos.

I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got

home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down

and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?'
 
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
 
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