OMG is all I can say

I’ve only really contemplated it at major times. on too much tren and when the nerve was compressed in my neck.
Like a lot of guys on here likely, I have zero friends other than my wife. I worked so much I made zero time. Truthfully now I’m scared of getting friends because they will want me to spend a reasonable amount of time with them, and I have become such a loner, plus I realky don’t want to put in the effort. I have numerous guys who really try yo be my friend though. But I kinda fluff it over.
That is why I like the board. I can chat, pm a few guys, but no one expects me to spend a bunch of time with them.
It can be lonely at times. I do have the ones I work with, but I’m their boss, I’ll never be their friend. Just how it goes.

About 5 years ago I figured I should not sweat stuff so much. I still perform, but I dont get angry about the simple things. Anger used to be a great motivator for me.

Overall though I do generally like myself, but we all have days we feel great, and others where we are just fed up.

Anyhow @ironwill s post got me thinking about this.
 
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As someone who has depression and planning on sucide in the last few years it's hard to say something especially when I was taught not to talk about how your feeling to keep it to myself.
I talk to my hubby and a good friend but other than that I keep quiet. Luckily with my diet and support from my hubby and good friend I haven't planned any sucide attempts in 5 months
Hey you are doing all that work to look and feel better. Now would be a silly time to do that. Gotta enjoy the benefits of what your are acomplishing.
 
I feel like I should post a little here, I suffered well still suffer a bit with mental illness and bouts of depression. I’ve thought about ending my life when things got bad. But then I thought how much it would hurt my wife and my children and I couldn’t do it . My children need me for guidance and help. I felt it would be selfish of me to take the easy way out. I still have it bad at times but I just take my Labrador out for a nice walk to a lake or a trail and I talk to him and the funny thing is that he actually looks at you with this dumb look like he’s actually listening and it makes you laugh and start to come out of it. There are times I’d like a real person to talk to but I don’t want to put that stress and worry on my wife it’s not fair to her. It was so bad at times I had myself mentally exhausted. I would have to check every light switch 6 times to make sure it was off, Check every car door handle 6 times to make sure it was locked , Push the alarm 6 times to make sure it was armed , Pull my house door 6 times to make sure it was locked and if I missed one I’d have to go do the whole routine again and start over even going outside in snow storms to make sure to check the car. I started exhausting myself and then I believed I was crazy and I use to have to wash my hands every time I touched anything I’d touch my own plate and wash my hands and pick up my fork I’d wash my hands pick up my drink glass and wash my hands so picture how many times I’d wash my hands eating a meal . My hands would bleed every night. It caused more stress and wasn’t fun to do life. Now I take one day at a time and I have my dog that’s how I cope for now. SaltyDawg
 
As someone who has depression and planning on sucide in the last few years it's hard to say something especially when I was taught not to talk about how your feeling to keep it to myself.
I talk to my hubby and a good friend but other than that I keep quiet. Luckily with my diet and support from my hubby and good friend I haven't planned any sucide attempts in 5 months
Hey you are doing all that work to look and feel better. Now would be a silly time to do that. Gotta enjoy the benefits of what your are acomplishing.
Thanks sorbate, it really helps me.
 
I have tried to document and present from my perspective the journey of depression, PTSD, Panic and anxiety disorder and suicidal ideation that has gripped me by the throat this last 11 months.

Resources exist and never be afraid to speak out. I have dropped a few people out of my life as a direct result of their lack of compassion for the suffering a depressive lives with.

While it is clear that my problems are situational brought on by 30+ years of front line trauma care. Throw in an abusive childhood and 20 years of hard core drug use before I found recovery for the hell of it! I preferred my alcohol powdered thank-you!

What I have learned is that I have spent the last 10+ years badly misjudging what was good for me. In my case I became so accustomed to the abuse my relationships outside of the workplace were very unhealthy. I engaged in high risk behavior IE: street racing and recklessly spending on extravagant vacations. I was running away from the internalized fear, pain and despair. Gee sounds like a brand new drug. Old became new.

When the final incident that broke me forced me to look at it the shit hit the fan.

Speaking out was the hardest thing I have ever done. To learn that I was so steeped in denial that I nearly let my job kill me made it worse.

A good therapist and what has become an ongoing chemistry experiment to find the right meds is where I am at.

It is better but it will never be over. I accept that. its just how to live in the new reality that I struggle with.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
 
I’ve only really contemplated it at major times. on too much tren and when the nerve was compressed in my neck.
Like a lot of guys on here likely, I have zero friends other than my wife. I worked so much I made zero time. Truthfully now I’m scared of getting friends because they will want me to spend a reasonable amount of time with them, and I have become such a loner, plus I realky don’t want to put in the effort. I have numerous guys who really try yo be my friend though. But I kinda fluff it over.
That is why I like the board. I can chat, pm a few guys, but no one expects me to spend a bunch of time with them.
It can be lonely at times. I do have the ones I work with, but I’m their boss, I’ll never be their friend. Just how it goes.

About 5 years ago I figured I should not sweat stuff so much. I still perform, but I dont get angry about the simple things. Anger used to be a great motivator for me.

Overall though I do generally like myself, but we all have days we feel great, and others where we are just fed up.

Anyhow @ironwill s post got me thinking about this.
I can relate a lot with what you’re saying. I have like one real friend apart from my brother and the rest of my family. He keep texting me to hangout but I keep ignoring or finding excuses because I Have 0 interest in it. I never text ‘friends’, I prefer to hit the gym, being consistent with my diet and my training regimen. I’ve become a loner overtime and I have a lot more in common with people from a board like this than people who share absolutely 0 interest with me. And just like you, I really don’t want to put the effort in. I’m more of an introvert so I’m happier this way.

The only time I make for people in my schedule is for girls and family. The rest is for the gym, the business I’ve started with my brother and scrolling through CB, Reddit, insta and YouTube. It may sound lame for some people but I like it this way.

simple life.
 
I can relate a lot with what you’re saying. I have like one real friend apart from my brother and the rest of my family. He keep texting me to hangout but I keep ignoring or finding excuses because I Have 0 interest in it. I never text ‘friends’, I prefer to hit the gym, being consistent with my diet and my training regimen. I’ve become a loner overtime and I have a lot more in common with people from a board like this than people who share absolutely 0 interest with me. And just like you, I really don’t want to put the effort in. I’m more of an introvert so I’m happier this way.

The only time I make for people in my schedule is for girls and family. The rest is for the gym, the business I’ve started with my brother and scrolling through CB, Reddit, insta and YouTube. It may sound lame for some people but I like it this way.

simple life.
I used to be the guy that ran around and would meet everyone at a party.
Now I like to go to the basement and have a nap, lol.
 
I’ve only really contemplated it at major times. on too much tren and when the nerve was compressed in my neck.
Like a lot of guys on here likely, I have zero friends other than my wife. I worked so much I made zero time. Truthfully now I’m scared of getting friends because they will want me to spend a reasonable amount of time with them, and I have become such a loner, plus I realky don’t want to put in the effort. I have numerous guys who really try yo be my friend though. But I kinda fluff it over.
That is why I like the board. I can chat, pm a few guys, but no one expects me to spend a bunch of time with them.
It can be lonely at times. I do have the ones I work with, but I’m their boss, I’ll never be their friend. Just how it goes.

About 5 years ago I figured I should not sweat stuff so much. I still perform, but I dont get angry about the simple things. Anger used to be a great motivator for me.

Overall though I do generally like myself, but we all have days we feel great, and others where we are just fed up.

Anyhow @ironwill s post got me thinking about this.
Wow we sound similar in regards to friends, I’m the exact same way…which is really a shame I think because I have some really cool friends who care about me and want to hang out…but I just don’t.
 
Wow we sound similar in regards to friends, I’m the exact same way…which is really a shame I think because I have some really cool friends who care about me and want to hang out…but I just don’t.
I know a few of the guys would be really cool to hang out with.
Shit one guy who is a good customer and has a motorcycle, keeps asking if we want to go for a ride. Dude likes building knives and has made me a few just for the hell of it. One day out of guilt I’ll go for a ride, I’m just worried he will want you hang out all the time. He’s a good dude, I just have no time.
Quite a few times a pretty famous arm wrestler who’s a customer also, has invited me to hang out, guess a group of all the top Canadian guys get together quite often. that would be cool, but man, if I do, then brush him off later when I’m busy, he will likely think I’m an ass.
So sometimes I think it’s easier not to have friends. That’s why I go for cruises on my bike alone

Fuck when I read this over, it sounds so sad, lol.
 
Seeing my life flashing back right before death and having that feeling that I did not accomplished anything that I was supposed to accomplish it’s a very disappointed feeling!
 
I know a few of the guys would be really cool to hang out with.
Shit one guy who is a good customer and has a motorcycle, keeps asking if we want to go for a ride. Dude likes building knives and has made me a few just for the hell of it. One day out of guilt I’ll go for a ride, I’m just worried he will want you hang out all the time. He’s a good dude, I just have no time.
Quite a few times a pretty famous arm wrestler who’s a customer also, has invited me to hang out, guess a group of all the top Canadian guys get together quite often. that would be cool, but man, if I do, then brush him off later when I’m busy, he will likely think I’m an ass.
So sometimes I think it’s easier not to have friends. That’s why I go for cruises on my bike alone

Fuck when I read this over, it sounds so sad, lol.
Cruising on a bike alone is living the life haha

I used to train in a commercial gym before ( econo fitness in qc ) so let’s say there wasn’t a lot of guys with good physique there and when you do have a semi decent physique, people tend to approach you more. Got a couple chicks like that and I could have made some good friends I believe but I was avoiding them like the plague. Talking a little bit but most of the time it was Headphones on and avoiding eye contact.

I bought a brand new ktm 250sx this summer so sometimes I go with a bunch of guys ( mostly my brothers friends) riding dirt tracks. It’s fun but I prefer to go alone or with my brother.

I don’t have the time, well maybe that’s an excuse but let’s say that it’s not my priority to make new friends and put time into it.


sometimes I feel lonely but it’s nothing that tinder can’t fix lol Until I meet a woman like me that I’ll spend the rest of my life with

It ain’t that bad, we are putting that pressure on ourselves by ourselves because of society but in reality no one gives a f*ck if we have 0,1,5,10 or 100 friends
 
People should be more grateful and see themselves from other peoples perspectives. Be grateful for what you have, appreciate every moment of it because someone across the seas or next door could have a lot more worse. I have had a hard life and I’m standing strong! My father has committed suicide and I think about the loved ones he has left behind including myself. At the moment you don’t think you have any loved ones until you are gone. It’s truly very painful to see loved ones including myself in pain! I feel like that is a very selfish act!!
 
Cruising on a bike alone is living the life haha

I used to train in a commercial gym before ( econo fitness in qc ) so let’s say there wasn’t a lot of guys with good physique there and when you do have a semi decent physique, people tend to approach you more. Got a couple chicks like that and I could have made some good friends I believe but I was avoiding them like the plague. Talking a little bit but most of the time it was Headphones on and avoiding eye contact.

I bought a brand new ktm 250sx this summer so sometimes I go with a bunch of guys ( mostly my brothers friends) riding dirt tracks. It’s fun but I prefer to go alone or with my brother.

I don’t have the time, well maybe that’s an excuse but let’s say that it’s not my priority to make new friends and put time into it.


sometimes I feel lonely but it’s nothing that tinder can’t fix lol Until I meet a woman like me that I’ll spend the rest of my life with

It ain’t that bad, we are putting that pressure on ourselves by ourselves because of society but in reality no one gives a f*ck if we have 0,1,5,10 or 100 friends
I also ride alone a lot. I have a Sweet custom ride and like to RIDE, not putter and look at every road sign etc....Anyways, i mentioned earlier, i went most of my life alone, and with my spoouse last 17 years. For some reason i suddenly feel like i am missing out without more friends.
I always have had a warrior mentality, work hard, in gym, at work, live a life of eating, sleeping and repeating. I feel comfortable with that and really enjoy a regimented lifestyle.
Then i feel like i should make some friends to hang out with as i get older. lol
Then i try and it is too much effort, or i see something i dont like or that is like me, and i drop it....lol...I feel like its just easier and more like living when i do what ive always done.
Except my work, i cut that shit back quite a bit, and look after me more than a company. I feel much better and less used....As mentioned earlier life is too much fun and i missed a lot.

Not a mid life crisis or anything, i think i became more awake and what is more important in life.
Friends, may or may not be in the future, my wife is my best friend and we do most everything together anyways.
 
I also ride alone a lot. I have a Sweet custom ride and like to RIDE, not putter and look at every road sign etc....Anyways, i mentioned earlier, i went most of my life alone, and with my spoouse last 17 years. For some reason i suddenly feel like i am missing out without more friends.
I always have had a warrior mentality, work hard, in gym, at work, live a life of eating, sleeping and repeating. I feel comfortable with that and really enjoy a regimented lifestyle.
Then i feel like i should make some friends to hang out with as i get older. lol
Then i try and it is too much effort, or i see something i dont like or that is like me, and i drop it....lol...I feel like its just easier and more like living when i do what ive always done.
Except my work, i cut that shit back quite a bit, and look after me more than a company. I feel much better and less used....As mentioned earlier life is too much fun and i missed a lot.

Not a mid life crisis or anything, i think i became more awake and what is more important in life.
Friends, may or may not be in the future, my wife is my best friend and we do most everything together anyways.
I feel you brother. Most of the peoples that have lots of friends don’t train like we do. I’m happy I make those sacrifices but sometimes I feel like I’m missing out on things until I realize again that nothings worthwile comes without sacrifices. That physique you have is really really impressive and it’s absolutely unnatainable without sacrifice and discipline for years. So be proud of it and do what makes you happy. It’s normal to feel like an outcast and not fulfilled with normies because we are not like them. We have nothing in common with them and our drive to succeed makes that type of relationship unfulfilling and void of meaning so investing in it seems futile and a waste of energy.

There is absolutely no issue with having your spouse as a best friend. it’s good that you’ve cut back a bit on work as you have the opportunity to do so. You’ll have more time for yourself and your spouse.

Bodybuilding and consistency makes people anti social overtime and it’s okay. unless your with a group of like minded individuals who shares the same passions as you.
Like Antoine vaillant, frank McGrath, regan grimes, Dorian Hamilton and all that crew
They’re always together because they share the same hardcore passion for bodybuilding, work and success.
But look at Cbum.. he’s always with his gf and the only videos he makes with other guys are promotional videos and training videos. You can tell he doesn’t care about them.
 
I feel you brother. Most of the peoples that have lots of friends don’t train like we do. I’m happy I make those sacrifices but sometimes I feel like I’m missing out on things until I realize again that nothings worthwile comes without sacrifices. That physique you have is really really impressive and it’s absolutely unnatainable without sacrifice and discipline for years. So be proud of it and do what makes you happy. It’s normal to feel like an outcast and not fulfilled with normies because we are not like them. We have nothing in common with them and our drive to succeed makes that type of relationship unfulfilling and void of meaning so investing in it seems futile and a waste of energy.

There is absolutely no issue with having your spouse as a best friend. it’s good that you’ve cut back a bit on work as you have the opportunity to do so. You’ll have more time for yourself and your spouse.

Bodybuilding and consistency makes people anti social overtime and it’s okay. unless your with a group of like minded individuals who shares the same passions as you.
Like Antoine vaillant, frank McGrath, regan grimes, Dorian Hamilton and all that crew
They’re always together because they share the same hardcore passion for bodybuilding, work and success.
But look at Cbum.. he’s always with his gf and the only videos he makes with other guys are promotional videos and training videos. You can tell he doesn’t care about them.
Good points brother....Its a time of reflection for me. I am in a very happy place. I think i need friends some days, not often, but once in awhile it would be good to hang with like minded folk. BUT, you hit the nail on the head, not many of us around, and at times it feels as there are less and less. I then many times after attempting it, find it takes too much energy, then i go back home and see the boys and my friends, and miss the times i used to have, but glad im not in that life anymore as it is too stressful.....lmao, BUT damn fun at times and the characters i have for friends is unlimited laughter, and never, ever a word against each other in our group, not in a million years, and if anyone else said a negative, they were straightened out pretty quick, those loyal types are hard to find, and great when you do find them. I often wonder if that type of solid deep friendship can only come through many decades of growing up together and going through thick and thin together. Maybe many older folks are correct when they say when you die , if you have 5 good friends, you are a rich man....lol

Its more a realization that its always been a comfort zone in my own skin. Always been happy being me.

CBUM admits he is an extreme introvert, and does not like people. Second last video Courtney and Cbum made, they said in the last 5 minutes, fuck people, they all want something, and try and change you. If you cannot be 100% yourself, fuck them. They are dead on the money as well.
Maybe the fact i live in Northern, and remote reasons also make it tough as it is a different culture and definitely clicky, but they grew together since young.
Anyway, its cool to hear others perspectives, as i never think of myself as soft, except when i open up about issues. Cool to see others have identical thoughts. Nice meeting you
@John Snow
 
Good points brother....Its a time of reflection for me. I am in a very happy place. I think i need friends some days, not often, but once in awhile it would be good to hang with like minded folk. BUT, you hit the nail on the head, not many of us around, and at times it feels as there are less and less. I then many times after attempting it, find it takes too much energy, then i go back home and see the boys and my friends, and miss the times i used to have, but glad im not in that life anymore as it is too stressful.....lmao, BUT damn fun at times and the characters i have for friends is unlimited laughter, and never, ever a word against each other in our group, not in a million years, and if anyone else said a negative, they were straightened out pretty quick, those loyal types are hard to find, and great when you do find them. I often wonder if that type of solid deep friendship can only come through many decades of growing up together and going through thick and thin together. Maybe many older folks are correct when they say when you die , if you have 5 good friends, you are a rich man....lol

Its more a realization that its always been a comfort zone in my own skin. Always been happy being me.

CBUM admits he is an extreme introvert, and does not like people. Second last video Courtney and Cbum made, they said in the last 5 minutes, fuck people, they all want something, and try and change you. If you cannot be 100% yourself, fuck them. They are dead on the money as well.
Maybe the fact i live in Northern, and remote reasons also make it tough as it is a different culture and definitely clicky, but they grew together since young.
Anyway, its cool to hear others perspectives, as i never think of myself as soft, except when i open up about issues. Cool to see others have identical thoughts. Nice meeting you
@John Snow
nice meeting you too @ironwill
 
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