Brinstar
New member
Starting up a personal log to digitally track my progress (have been using notebooks in the gym for years)
Gonna be a work in progress to establish my backstory and experience and what my goals going forward are
Background:
Growing up I was always small and underweight. I wasn't anorexic or anything but for my teens I hovered around 115 lbs. This is normal for my family as my brother, father, and grandfather were also this weight even into older age. At 17 I was dumped by my first major girlfriend who I believe cheated on me and this, combined with my desire to join the army, motivated me to start working out. I hired a personal trainer who started me out on basic fullbody workouts but more importantly engrained in me the importance and power of proper nutrition - not just eating "healthy" but understanding calories and macros and their ability to magnify the work you put in the gym.
My first 8 or so months I ballooned from 115 lbs to 155 lbs. Over the next couple months prior to enlisting in the army I pushed that limit to 175 lbs but most of that last 20 lbs was probably fat. That was the heaviest I've ever been. Upon joining the army training for strength/size was very difficult as the emphasis was on pushups, endurance running etc. Army training often interfered with my preferred training routines and I was forced to choose between giving up my fitness goals or overtraining. I did the best I could to gain as much lean mass as I could while keeping bodyfat at bay to remain "army fit". I hovered around 155 lbs during that time at about 10-12% bodyfat.
At 23 after finishing my contract with the army I tried pushing harder for more weight gain and finally had the time to dedicate myself to pushing myself physically as far as I could go naturally. Just to see what I could do I leaned myself out to around 7-8% bodyfat at 150 lbs and that remains the fittest and strongest I've looked. Below are pictures of what I look like in that condition. Despite more time to focus on weightlifting I have always plateaued around 160 lbs while remaining lean. Anything past that pretty much always goes exclusively to fat so I never try to gain past that. I have a great diet that is both healthy but also not mentally straining (I allow myself to eat moderate amounts of what I enjoy). I'm committed to my training and don't skip workouts. My training plan hasn't really changed much over the years. I made great strength and size gains with the plan I stuck to but it all fizzles out around 160 lbs. I've tried deloads and specialized training where I focus my energy on certain muscle groups while maintaining others instead of expecting gains all over at the same time but this has limited results.
When I look back and think on it I've always had a small frame but despite that I've managed to put on 40-50 lbs of lean mass over my training career. My family is about 40 lbs lighter than me with probably +10% bodyfat more. I know it sounds crazy or like a cop out but I do think I've reached my natural genetic limits. My gains are in line with what most studies purport to be natural gains over a lifting career. On the one hand I'm proud of my gains compared to what I used to look like at 115 lbs as well as my strength. I do not look like I lift but mentally I know I'm not a weakling. I can do full extension pullups with up to 45 lb plate belts attached to me, I can do one arm pushups for reps, the weights I'm putting up in the gym are far from mind boggling but they are respectable, at least to me.
I guess the most frustrating part is that despite all the progress I've made I still don't look like I lift and this does mentally mess with me a bit as it sucks to dedicate so much time each year in the gym, eating healthy, only for it not to give you the success you pine for. I've always been on the small end and its frustrating when people tell me I need to eat more or gain weight. I'd love to but I don't want to be sitting at 175-180 lbs at 20+% bodyfat. I want to be the heaviest I can be at while still remaining in shape and that magic number is about 160 naturally for me. I definitely have a form of body dysmorphia related to an insecurity about my size. I've always wanted to reach a weight of 180-190 while remaining in shape.
All this being said I think I'm finally ready to take the leap into going beyond natural. I've always considered the option since my early 20's but a combination of wanting to see what I could do naturally first as well wanting to wait for myself to fully grow kept me at bay. The stereotypes of the side effects of steroids were also a strong deterrent for many years. The tipping point for me came earlier this year when my best friend told me that he had been using SARMS. Since they don't carry the same stigma as steroids I began researching them and came to the conclusion that the very modest gains I could expect from Sarms weren't worth the risks and that if I was going to go down that route that I mineswell go full in and do anabolic steroids. I began researching them and realized that a lot of the risks seem overexaggerated, at least as long as they aren't abused and are treated with respect. My goals aren't to get bigger/stronger just for the sake of getting bigger or stronger. That's a rabbit hole that has no bottom. Honestly I just want to reach 180-190 at a lean weight and I think this would help my self esteem, confidence, and happiness tremendously.
Goals:
I want to take the next 1.5-2 months to reach my natural limits again and then from there I plan to do a simple steroid cycle of 500 mg test cypionate/week for 12-16 weeks. My long term goals are to reach 180-190 lbs at a lean weight (10-12% bodyfat). I'd like to train for a mix of strength/size. Specifically I'd like to increase my arm size as I've always been tall and lanky, while at the same time I'd like to finally be able to bench press 225 for a few reps. I've never been able to press more than 185 for a few reps.
Work to do:
I am still researching how I will conduct PCT as well as how I will control sides during cycle. I need to finish this before I start cycle.
I want to research more about how my training will change as I start steroids. I expect that I'll be able to increase volume a lot as well as frequency but I'm not sure what the ideal amount of work would be to maximize gains realistically. I'm a big proponent of doing the least amount of work/drug in order to achieve desired results.
I need to get bloodwork done while I remain natural. Ideally I'd like to get bloodwork done soon, and then once again just prior to starting a cycle. I want to get bloodwork after I reach my peak natural strength levels in a month or so and then again after I've dieted down a bit to 10-12%bodyfat. I'm not sure if I should expect much differences in my blood results but I still think two tests will give me a more accurate level of my blood results prior to steroids.
Progress Pictures:
These pics are me at my leanest and I do have a pump. I don't look like that all the time lol. In both images I'm about 147-150lbs at I'd guess 7-8%bodyfat.
Gonna be a work in progress to establish my backstory and experience and what my goals going forward are
Background:
Growing up I was always small and underweight. I wasn't anorexic or anything but for my teens I hovered around 115 lbs. This is normal for my family as my brother, father, and grandfather were also this weight even into older age. At 17 I was dumped by my first major girlfriend who I believe cheated on me and this, combined with my desire to join the army, motivated me to start working out. I hired a personal trainer who started me out on basic fullbody workouts but more importantly engrained in me the importance and power of proper nutrition - not just eating "healthy" but understanding calories and macros and their ability to magnify the work you put in the gym.
My first 8 or so months I ballooned from 115 lbs to 155 lbs. Over the next couple months prior to enlisting in the army I pushed that limit to 175 lbs but most of that last 20 lbs was probably fat. That was the heaviest I've ever been. Upon joining the army training for strength/size was very difficult as the emphasis was on pushups, endurance running etc. Army training often interfered with my preferred training routines and I was forced to choose between giving up my fitness goals or overtraining. I did the best I could to gain as much lean mass as I could while keeping bodyfat at bay to remain "army fit". I hovered around 155 lbs during that time at about 10-12% bodyfat.
At 23 after finishing my contract with the army I tried pushing harder for more weight gain and finally had the time to dedicate myself to pushing myself physically as far as I could go naturally. Just to see what I could do I leaned myself out to around 7-8% bodyfat at 150 lbs and that remains the fittest and strongest I've looked. Below are pictures of what I look like in that condition. Despite more time to focus on weightlifting I have always plateaued around 160 lbs while remaining lean. Anything past that pretty much always goes exclusively to fat so I never try to gain past that. I have a great diet that is both healthy but also not mentally straining (I allow myself to eat moderate amounts of what I enjoy). I'm committed to my training and don't skip workouts. My training plan hasn't really changed much over the years. I made great strength and size gains with the plan I stuck to but it all fizzles out around 160 lbs. I've tried deloads and specialized training where I focus my energy on certain muscle groups while maintaining others instead of expecting gains all over at the same time but this has limited results.
When I look back and think on it I've always had a small frame but despite that I've managed to put on 40-50 lbs of lean mass over my training career. My family is about 40 lbs lighter than me with probably +10% bodyfat more. I know it sounds crazy or like a cop out but I do think I've reached my natural genetic limits. My gains are in line with what most studies purport to be natural gains over a lifting career. On the one hand I'm proud of my gains compared to what I used to look like at 115 lbs as well as my strength. I do not look like I lift but mentally I know I'm not a weakling. I can do full extension pullups with up to 45 lb plate belts attached to me, I can do one arm pushups for reps, the weights I'm putting up in the gym are far from mind boggling but they are respectable, at least to me.
I guess the most frustrating part is that despite all the progress I've made I still don't look like I lift and this does mentally mess with me a bit as it sucks to dedicate so much time each year in the gym, eating healthy, only for it not to give you the success you pine for. I've always been on the small end and its frustrating when people tell me I need to eat more or gain weight. I'd love to but I don't want to be sitting at 175-180 lbs at 20+% bodyfat. I want to be the heaviest I can be at while still remaining in shape and that magic number is about 160 naturally for me. I definitely have a form of body dysmorphia related to an insecurity about my size. I've always wanted to reach a weight of 180-190 while remaining in shape.
All this being said I think I'm finally ready to take the leap into going beyond natural. I've always considered the option since my early 20's but a combination of wanting to see what I could do naturally first as well wanting to wait for myself to fully grow kept me at bay. The stereotypes of the side effects of steroids were also a strong deterrent for many years. The tipping point for me came earlier this year when my best friend told me that he had been using SARMS. Since they don't carry the same stigma as steroids I began researching them and came to the conclusion that the very modest gains I could expect from Sarms weren't worth the risks and that if I was going to go down that route that I mineswell go full in and do anabolic steroids. I began researching them and realized that a lot of the risks seem overexaggerated, at least as long as they aren't abused and are treated with respect. My goals aren't to get bigger/stronger just for the sake of getting bigger or stronger. That's a rabbit hole that has no bottom. Honestly I just want to reach 180-190 at a lean weight and I think this would help my self esteem, confidence, and happiness tremendously.
Goals:
I want to take the next 1.5-2 months to reach my natural limits again and then from there I plan to do a simple steroid cycle of 500 mg test cypionate/week for 12-16 weeks. My long term goals are to reach 180-190 lbs at a lean weight (10-12% bodyfat). I'd like to train for a mix of strength/size. Specifically I'd like to increase my arm size as I've always been tall and lanky, while at the same time I'd like to finally be able to bench press 225 for a few reps. I've never been able to press more than 185 for a few reps.
Work to do:
I am still researching how I will conduct PCT as well as how I will control sides during cycle. I need to finish this before I start cycle.
I want to research more about how my training will change as I start steroids. I expect that I'll be able to increase volume a lot as well as frequency but I'm not sure what the ideal amount of work would be to maximize gains realistically. I'm a big proponent of doing the least amount of work/drug in order to achieve desired results.
I need to get bloodwork done while I remain natural. Ideally I'd like to get bloodwork done soon, and then once again just prior to starting a cycle. I want to get bloodwork after I reach my peak natural strength levels in a month or so and then again after I've dieted down a bit to 10-12%bodyfat. I'm not sure if I should expect much differences in my blood results but I still think two tests will give me a more accurate level of my blood results prior to steroids.
Progress Pictures:
These pics are me at my leanest and I do have a pump. I don't look like that all the time lol. In both images I'm about 147-150lbs at I'd guess 7-8%bodyfat.
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