Its been 7 years since I've run a cycle or used any replacements the first couple years I went around the bend a few times. Life happened and I forgot everything about who I am, who I WAS. It became the darkest times of my life.
There where days I sat in the same place and just thought to myself who the hell am I and whats happening to my head? Is this life, is this old age is this worth living for? Most days I sat with loaded 12ga ready for that moment ive made my choice.
I looked at everything I had achieved and grown into a functional entity and said to myself I would give it all away to be whole again.
The doctor put me on meds for depression and anxiety, the drugs turned off what little bit of joy I could grab out of each day. They numbed me to a point I stopped thinking about what day would be my last.
The body pain I was in was what the doctors focused on the most. I had just had a major accident a few months before and they chalked my head problems with my pain issues and started me on Lyrica to numb my nerves endings. It worked for a couple months and I was feeling almost a live again.
Doc wanted to up my dose and that was a hard No.
I turned to cannabis for relief of the pain it worked to degree but it also gave me a sense of joy a relief from the brain fog that was with me every moment of every second I was awake.
It still wasn't enough. I couldn't collect my thoughts long enough to figure out what the fuck was happening.
Now all this time not once did my doc check my hormone levels I wasn't cognitive enough to even ask. I thought this is now my life I may as well try and make it to the next day with something to look forward to. I started a new business with a partner and tried to move on.
I hadn't left my home in almost 18 months. I was terrified of being in public for my own safety and others around me. My explosive pain and anger was triggered at a post office as I was lodging a complaint against a driver that almost hit my dog. A new puppy that stole my heart when Cyto passed away 4 months prior.
I snapped as another customer laughed. Cops arrived, I was removed. This wasn't me.
I went to my doc and asked for help again. Nothing. He said you need a psychiatrist.
He did nothing but tell me to got to the hospital if needed so I stayed home. I didn't go to work, I stayed home. I wouldn't go to the grocery store nothing for almost 18 months.
It was close to Xmas and I wanted some things I couldn't find on line while shopping. I felt good and decided I can handle shit and went to Walmart.
I snapped and was taken to the hospital for evaluation and set up with a shrink.
Instant blood test.
But no mention of my hormone levels. I wasn't thinking about hormones or any of the symptoms because the doctors pushed depression anxiety and chronic pain disorder on me. This was because of all the other shit im not mentioning.
I was labeled with ptsd and tossed into therapy and meetings weekly. All while thinking what the fuck is wrong with me.
I was unpacking some things from when I moved into my new place 5 years ago. Things that get shoved under the stairs and forgotten. I came across my old androgel prescription from 2016. I decided what the hell I use it for a week. It was enough to clear the fog and things started to connect again.
I'm going to cut to the end here, I found other items from back in the day that fired up a few more brain cells. I hopped on the boards for some advice privately about some business plans. Things started to move again and come together.
I set up my account with life labs to review my blood results and each test I could see all had test levels with a warning
attached to them.
The lowest I add as far back as 2016 was 103ng I demanded more blood work and received a result of 196ng with free test of 11.2
Keep in mind this was after a week of using androgel. Where was my levels prior to my stupid not stupid move. Doctor said I was fine. I told him straight up he was incorrect. I had another choice and that was get the shrink to set me up. There was still no guarantee he would.
I was at the point with the doctors I couldn't articulate what my symptoms are. I couldn't describe the agony as singular.
I have blood work Tuesday set up by tru balance.
I've stopped using androgel 7 days ago. Bloody hell I feel like shit all over again.
Brain Fog and pain that wasn't there has returned.
The memories are distant and smothered in haze.
Once the bloods are taken I know I'll be wanting to get rolling.
What are the thoughts of those that are running trt. Would you start a small protocol or would you wait for the advice from the trt nurses?
I know how I arrived here, the time line adds up but thats another book thats still private.
Maybe once I've fixed my thoughts and can type it out ill share.
I hope I didn't bore anyone. Lol
There where days I sat in the same place and just thought to myself who the hell am I and whats happening to my head? Is this life, is this old age is this worth living for? Most days I sat with loaded 12ga ready for that moment ive made my choice.
I looked at everything I had achieved and grown into a functional entity and said to myself I would give it all away to be whole again.
The doctor put me on meds for depression and anxiety, the drugs turned off what little bit of joy I could grab out of each day. They numbed me to a point I stopped thinking about what day would be my last.
The body pain I was in was what the doctors focused on the most. I had just had a major accident a few months before and they chalked my head problems with my pain issues and started me on Lyrica to numb my nerves endings. It worked for a couple months and I was feeling almost a live again.
Doc wanted to up my dose and that was a hard No.
I turned to cannabis for relief of the pain it worked to degree but it also gave me a sense of joy a relief from the brain fog that was with me every moment of every second I was awake.
It still wasn't enough. I couldn't collect my thoughts long enough to figure out what the fuck was happening.
Now all this time not once did my doc check my hormone levels I wasn't cognitive enough to even ask. I thought this is now my life I may as well try and make it to the next day with something to look forward to. I started a new business with a partner and tried to move on.
I hadn't left my home in almost 18 months. I was terrified of being in public for my own safety and others around me. My explosive pain and anger was triggered at a post office as I was lodging a complaint against a driver that almost hit my dog. A new puppy that stole my heart when Cyto passed away 4 months prior.
I snapped as another customer laughed. Cops arrived, I was removed. This wasn't me.
I went to my doc and asked for help again. Nothing. He said you need a psychiatrist.
He did nothing but tell me to got to the hospital if needed so I stayed home. I didn't go to work, I stayed home. I wouldn't go to the grocery store nothing for almost 18 months.
It was close to Xmas and I wanted some things I couldn't find on line while shopping. I felt good and decided I can handle shit and went to Walmart.
I snapped and was taken to the hospital for evaluation and set up with a shrink.
Instant blood test.
But no mention of my hormone levels. I wasn't thinking about hormones or any of the symptoms because the doctors pushed depression anxiety and chronic pain disorder on me. This was because of all the other shit im not mentioning.
I was labeled with ptsd and tossed into therapy and meetings weekly. All while thinking what the fuck is wrong with me.
I was unpacking some things from when I moved into my new place 5 years ago. Things that get shoved under the stairs and forgotten. I came across my old androgel prescription from 2016. I decided what the hell I use it for a week. It was enough to clear the fog and things started to connect again.
I'm going to cut to the end here, I found other items from back in the day that fired up a few more brain cells. I hopped on the boards for some advice privately about some business plans. Things started to move again and come together.
I set up my account with life labs to review my blood results and each test I could see all had test levels with a warning
attached to them. The lowest I add as far back as 2016 was 103ng I demanded more blood work and received a result of 196ng with free test of 11.2
Keep in mind this was after a week of using androgel. Where was my levels prior to my stupid not stupid move. Doctor said I was fine. I told him straight up he was incorrect. I had another choice and that was get the shrink to set me up. There was still no guarantee he would.
I was at the point with the doctors I couldn't articulate what my symptoms are. I couldn't describe the agony as singular.
I have blood work Tuesday set up by tru balance.
I've stopped using androgel 7 days ago. Bloody hell I feel like shit all over again.
Brain Fog and pain that wasn't there has returned.
The memories are distant and smothered in haze.
Once the bloods are taken I know I'll be wanting to get rolling.
What are the thoughts of those that are running trt. Would you start a small protocol or would you wait for the advice from the trt nurses?
I know how I arrived here, the time line adds up but thats another book thats still private.
Maybe once I've fixed my thoughts and can type it out ill share.
I hope I didn't bore anyone. Lol
