If it resonated with you, the book is Mans Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.
The man survived Auschwitz, so knows a thing or two about rough times.
Anybody have any good anger managment techniques or books?
- Thread starter Bigbear
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The man survived Auschwitz, so knows a thing or two about rough times.
thank you, I recall hearing about that book before. I just read the wiki and it looks really interesting. looking forward to it, it's been too long since I read anything much like this
As a guy whose been in probably every behaviour management program there is including sex addiction, i find guilt has pretty much crippled me into submission.
Sex- i think about things like: how all i was chasing was another perfect week (sleep with a new girl everyday for 7 days in a row) and because the rush of getting to know her, i didnt know enough about the girl before sleeping with her and it turns out she highly values sex and was very much interested in me for more then just a one nighter. so now i may have forever tainted that girls view on sex and love for the rest of her life
With anger- i think about those i hurt who i cared about who are now gone, the last two times i seen my brother i beat him into the hospital and now hes dead. Theres a long list there with many more examples. I know i have a temper so no matter how mad i am and how strongly i believe im right... im just not, even if i know for a fact if i was calm id do the same thing cause im 100% inthe right... nope just wrong lol.
So just gotta sit it out, i also have a lot of experience with the grey area too now, like my last gf got into a car accident, scambled her brains, would get confused, lose touch reality, couldnt tell what was real or not and a bunch of other serious mental issues youd be reading for 10 mins if i listed all ththe symptoms, but she was a well accomplished person, way more then me, and she didnt wanna admit she was now disabled and i supported her for not giving into the idea of being disabled, it was a lot of work, i quit my job to be her 24 hour nanny, i had to drive her everywhere, replace everything: glass, metal, sharp or blunt in the house with plastic and light. We only had one knofe inthehouse which i hid and i only took it out to cook our dinner and cut herfood for her then i had to rehide it right away, i had to have a gps on her 24/7cause she would always get lost, we had to sync up phones and social media accounts, i had to stay up later then her and wake up earlier cause if she was awake and i wasnt she could imagine me saying and or doing terrible things, so i always had to be alert to defuse her worries if they happened, like the list just goes on and on, but i loved her so goddamn much i didnt care, it all sounds like work but she did a lot to show how thankful she was, my main concern was actually that it would seem i didnt care enough....but even with all this, man did she still always find trouble lol, but it was never her fault, even when it was, it wasnt, u know? Like an example thats actually true, is her boss and her had an 8 hours shift and she had an episode it was easy for her boss to play dumb when she talked about me (a guys shes been with for 5 yesrs and known for 11) saying that im just a dream, she had an episode and just made me up, and that he -her boss- is her fiance... and only when her delusional state wore off, which could last minutes to days(this time almost a full day), she could start to piece together the parts that didnt quite make sense, like why was none of her clothes at his place, why did she knownwhere nothing was, why did she have a guy who didnt exist (me) saved in her phone, why does she not remember anything with him beyond work ect.
Like when she has a state shes totally vulnerable and trys to find comfort... do i know you?, do u love me?, are we together? Im scared and i need to be held right now!, are you trying to kill me? Who am i? Where are we? Will you take care of me? Did xxxx just happen? Are you real?.... all common things she would say,
soooo he probably didnt come up with some diabolical plan to steal her away from me she prob just had an episode and started asking some of these types of questions and he couldnt help himself but manipulate the situation to his benefit because shes undeniably hot, so this situation was her fault... but not at the same time, impossible to blame her for anything...
so she became my best mood management remedy ever lol
People who develope her condition live an average of 7 years so u alsodontwant to get mad at her, u want her to have the best rest of her life she can. After all they all die of suicide or some self harm related fatality most likely from guilt, embarressment or loneliness
But things i did before her and some i still do is:
no violence in: movies, videogames, conversations; no agressive music, anti estrogens
, fleeing the scene till u can think, fake hyperventilating cause one it makes u lightheaded and two u feel stupid for faking something, counting ur heart beat is a good one, also think of tits (i learned that on " the man show" theres actual science behind it lol), you can think about how your on hormones so until u calm down and think anout it there is a possibility ur over reacting, or get your blood pressure checked, take up smoking or quit smoking just do the one ur currently not doing, apparently cutting out alcohol makes u less angry, i rarely drink but im always a stupidly happy drunk, instead of punching the wall u can stub ur toe, idk why in movies people punch things and their like omg my hand... it doesnt hurt, but stubbing ur toes thatll smarten u up right quick.... after u catch ur breathe lol...... makes me heart feel like it skips a beat or two, ive never intentionally done thatbut i can seethat being very effective for me at leastor think about how someone somewhere is gunna blame the steriods and that ideology might get passed to ur wife who one day gives u an ultimatum ive had people push that idea on me before but random people but it made me think about what if someone i cared about gave me the ultimatum
Or u can go on a strict soy bean diet so u turn into a pussy, ive never done the research but i heard its a fact
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Talking with a psychiatrist and then following up with a case worker once a week really helped me. That, and getting properly diagnosed and put on the right medications. I went from a wicked bad temper to almost zero temper. And I do often think back to all the people I hurt emotionally, a good case worker can help with that too.
A case worker would be good yea. I personally don't agree with medication for mental health unless its severe mental disorders. I think anxiety, depression, adhd, anger, ect shouldnt be medicated. I dobt feel like they are real mental disorders. I know everyone else is prob gunna disagree. But i think they are nothing but symptoms, either from a more serious mental disorder, or some sort if sociological factor or drug induced.
If u wanna do stuff straight from the a.m. book, u can think more deeply what causes the anger, and work on it:
at the moment u get mad u think its the reason ur mad thats making u mad, but often its a build up of something else (example, a spouse cheats on their significant other a year ago and now their sig other is getting mad at u for not folding ur laundry, (s)he says and prob think they are mad cause ur a slob not doing ur laundry but really its a build up of an unresolved issue from a year ago).
You can see who u get mad at the most, and if theres a reason behind it.
Think of what u were doing or thinking before u got mad. Are u thinking of work, money, ect.?
Maybe it could be hormonal.(especially for us)
Ask yourself what your triggers are and if they were present when u lost control of your temper. Is there a way to resolve it. Then once u figure that out u can then really think of why its a trigger and if u can resolve it altogether.
You can write down things like your wifes name, brother, work, boss, bank account, YOUR NAME, ect, place it away then later on look at it and write down the first word that comes to mind when u see the name and why. Is there any negativity feelings or resentment?
what can you do to prepare yourself for the future to not act out when you inevitably find urself ina situation?
And then yea stay away from stimulation, i didthis and honesly i believe its what started all my self control issues, i deprived myself to a point i justvwanted to be wild. But according totherapy data it works
I really hated a.m... lol
If u wanna do stuff straight from the a.m. book, u can think more deeply what causes the anger, and work on it:
at the moment u get mad u think its the reason ur mad thats making u mad, but often its a build up of something else (example, a spouse cheats on their significant other a year ago and now their sig other is getting mad at u for not folding ur laundry, (s)he says and prob think they are mad cause ur a slob not doing ur laundry but really its a build up of an unresolved issue from a year ago).
You can see who u get mad at the most, and if theres a reason behind it.
Think of what u were doing or thinking before u got mad. Are u thinking of work, money, ect.?
Maybe it could be hormonal.(especially for us)
Ask yourself what your triggers are and if they were present when u lost control of your temper. Is there a way to resolve it. Then once u figure that out u can then really think of why its a trigger and if u can resolve it altogether.
You can write down things like your wifes name, brother, work, boss, bank account, YOUR NAME, ect, place it away then later on look at it and write down the first word that comes to mind when u see the name and why. Is there any negativity feelings or resentment?
what can you do to prepare yourself for the future to not act out when you inevitably find urself ina situation?
And then yea stay away from stimulation, i didthis and honesly i believe its what started all my self control issues, i deprived myself to a point i justvwanted to be wild. But according totherapy data it works
I really hated a.m... lol
Shit this just reminded me i need 40 hours of a.m. before october and i only got 22, i quit going in like march or something... if u want, i can give a short outline kf each class, once i re-register. Basically what i said before is the lump sum of it but maybe i can expand on it a bit more
RigPig
Moderator
It’s a great book. I bought it a few years ago and have read it a couple times. Definitely helped me refine my skills as a leader and changed up my approach a bit.
Reading this book should be a prerequisite for field level management (at minimum). It’s really relatable material and the lessons learned are practical, easy to comprehend and easy to implement.
After you’re done Extreme Ownership, I suggest the follow up by Jacko & Leif, it’s called Dichotomy of Leadership.
These are the only two books I’ve read in 20 years.
I never get angry, I think that’s because of my past. I kinda learn how to be patient, understanding and calm in rough timing 
I do get upset sometimes but not angry.
A grew up in too much rough life, I mean you say it I’ve been through it, but it gave me wisdom
Maybe try to listen to gospel or classic music, meditate, pray and take few slow breaths, I have to do that when I have anxiety.
I do get upset sometimes but not angry.A grew up in too much rough life, I mean you say it I’ve been through it, but it gave me wisdom
Maybe try to listen to gospel or classic music, meditate, pray and take few slow breaths, I have to do that when I have anxiety.