Anybody have any good anger managment techniques or books?

Bigbear

Bigbear

The Kodiak
Trusted Member
I've done anger management courses quite a few times growing up and lately have been feeling like I forgot everything. I'm a bit of a dumb ass when I flip out the type to punch holes in things swear yell call lifeless objects names even fucked up my hands lots hitting cement walls and metal doors. When I'm pissed off the thought of breaking my hand never even crosses my mind but I want to be better then that. Anyone have any good advice ?
 
Weed. It doesn't help in the moment but holy shit does it ever help calm you down quickly after. Choose strains known for the calming and relaxing effects. 3 or 4 puffs and you'll notice the anger gone. No need to get high, and not always appropriate (ie: can't do this at work, or on the road, etc..)

As for what to do in the moment.... that's very hard. First, you have to recognize the behavior and have the mental capacity to want to implement whatever calming technique you'll use. That's very hard to do when all you see is red. I'd love to get better at this as well.
 
I know you jave adhd, like I do, which ad you probably know goes hand in hand qith aggression and anger issues, two things that have helped me is meditation and mindfulness, and yoga.

I do my yoga and meditation together in the morning, before my fasted cardio, I find this really sets the tone for the day, and if I do get angry I practice mindfulness, and as stated if possible remove myself from the situation temporarily
 
I've suffered from this problem since my teens. Not with inanimate objects but with people. Edit- Okay I guess these assholes cars are inanimate objects to, oops.

No problem with recognizing the stupidity of my actions and how much it wasn't worth it afterwards but the trick is seeing my reaction coming and stopping it before it happens. Another edit- I get this funny lil warm twinge in my stomach, about 3-4 secs after that I'm in trouble

This might sound goofy as all hell and it's not easy as I mentioned but when things get tense I've trained myself (as best as I can) to internally shout "CAMERA". Everybody has a fucking camera these days and sure as shit some editted footage is gonna be used to put you in some nice shiny bracelets if ur not careful.

Managing that anger is IMO especially important as you get older especially if their is another person involved. My brain still thinks I am the unofficial world champion tough guy but that signal surely is getting to my mouth, hands and feet at a snails pace compared to all y'all young bucks. Just a matter of time before I get tuned up if I persist with young G attitude.

PS hitting shit just doesn't make sense to me anyways lol but I must know a dozen guys who busted themselves up that way, a half dozen or so cut themselves horribly badly by punching windows out, not car widows which tend to crumble but storefront doors and shit like that.
 
gondar1 said:
I've suffered from this problem since my teens. Not with inanimate objects but with people. Edit- Okay I guess these assholes cars are inanimate objects to, oops.

No problem with recognizing the stupidity of my actions and how much it wasn't worth it afterwards but the trick is seeing my reaction coming and stopping it before it happens. Another edit- I get this funny lil warm twinge in my stomach, about 3-4 secs after that I'm in trouble

This might sound goofy as all hell and it's not easy as I mentioned but when things get tense I've trained myself (as best as I can) to internally shout "CAMERA". Everybody has a fucking camera these days and sure as shit some editted footage is gonna be used to put you in some nice shiny bracelets if ur not careful.

Managing that anger is IMO especially important as you get older especially if their is another person involved. My brain still thinks I am the unofficial world champion tough guy but that signal surely is getting to my mouth, hands and feet at a snails pace compared to all y'all young bucks. Just a matter of time before I get tuned up if I persist with young G attitude.

PS hitting shit just doesn't make sense to me anyways lol but I must know a dozen guys who busted themselves up that way, a half dozen or so cut themselves horribly badly by punching windows out, not car widows which tend to crumble but storefront doors and shit like that.
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You are very similar to myself in this regard.
Conscious of your weakness and sometimes just say fuck it and let go. I also get the warm feeling and then I get quiet and very intense and can possibly burn down a house with my eyes. At a certain point there’s no turning back but there’s some techniques I use such as thinking about cameras as well. I posted exactly the same in one or two of my experiences when I first moved back near a city and had to be there daily.
Good thread and some good advice.
Weed works well , but not when in the situation.
 
I had to learn after my second arrest many moons ago. Just started staying away from places that would cause issues. Then with getting older and getting married, i learned to have more patience. I can still go nuclear if need be but i can also reign myself in
 
Jerbear said:
I've done anger management courses quite a few times growing up and lately have been feeling like I forgot everything. I'm a bit of a dumb ass when I flip out the type to punch holes in things swear yell call lifeless objects names even fucked up my hands lots hitting cement walls and metal doors. When I'm pissed off the thought of breaking my hand never even crosses my mind but I want to be better then that. Anyone have any good advice ?
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I used to be angry all the time. Truthfully why I decided to control it better is I wanted to run tren and that you look like a complete ass to others when you lose control.
So I spent a few years working on it. Started with trying to not sweat the small stuff. If it doesn’t really do any damage, I try to ignore it.
Secondly if I feel the rage coming on I calm myself in my mind. Undo the spiral of over thinking and focusing on the issue that is upsetting me.
It’s silly but deep breaths in your nose out your mouth.
Its really hard.

I used to think anger was the solution to everything. I used it to motivate myself for decades. I would fight every thing. get angry and yell about insurance rates to brokers, stupid shit like that. Once I calmed down and realized you get way farther by discussing, well then I noticed the benefits.

One of the last times I lost it, was at work, pushing a tall stack of tubs in the cooler (it was stupid busy, couple things broke down putting me further behind) and the nylon/plastic lid on the top tub came off because of the strip curtain and hit me in the forehead. I lost it and tried to rip that lid in 1/2. No way you can do that, my butcher is laughing at me gurring trying to twist it to tear it. Fuck that was so stupid, I felt dumb afterwards. That was my moment that helped to inspire me to change.

just remember it’s practice, you won’t be perfect right away, but just like bodybuilding, each days tiny bit and in the end you’ll act like a different person.

I remember one Christmas week, so busy at work, I’m stupidly angry, go in the cooler, punched a Turkey, well fuck it was partially stiff, Damn that hurt, then even angrier, turned around and gave the moose carcass a flying knee in anger, hit the top of my kneecap right in the soft spot on a joint bone on the carcass. So now I’m limping and my fucking hand hurts, but it is still stupid busy. Solved nothing except making me feel stupid. I look back and I think, how dumb.

I don’t think medicating is the first answer. Try to fix yourself first, then medication if you really have tried and can’t.
 
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Cheapshot said:
I love the camera idea.. but when the answer is no cameras, then what happens..haha
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Sore hands and then some soul searching is the best case scenario for me. I endeavor to not have this experience anymore although to be honest I miss the rush. I try to push myself to take pride in using words to resolve issues now but to be honest again that's probably largely motivated by pursuit of continuing my fairly lengthy streak of not getting the shit kicked out of me. ;)
 
gondar1 said:
Sore hands and then some soul searching is the best case scenario for me. I endeavor to not have this experience anymore although to be honest I miss the rush. I try to push myself to take pride in using words to resolve issues now but to be honest again that's probably largely motivated by pursuit of continuing my fairly lengthy streak of not getting the shit kicked out of me. ;)
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I find I am normally not in situations to fight anymore as much. Once I got older and couldn’t get hurt because of work, I stopped fighting, plus being smaller your chances of getting hurt are bigger.

Mind you on the bike the other day, some guy in a uhaul flys right up beside me, just a hair in front and puts on his signal light to get in front of me by merging into my lane. Not a single other vehicle behind me. I’m not getting sprayed with gravel from a truck to slow down and let him in, plus there was no fucking one behind me. So I didn’t let him in, sped up a bit and motioned for him to pull in behind me.

So he crawls up my ass, honking his horn, giving me the finger, looks about my height, but one of those dudes you know doesn’t move off the couch, so I doubt he a trained martial artist, lol. So eventually I had enough and as I am looking at him in my mirrior, (I wear a beanie) I mouth, “do you want to get out and fight”.

Well his eyes opened and he backed off, lol. Now I wouldn’t have fought, wouldn’t have needed to because I would have taken off my jacket and once he saw I was bigger and he looked like a feather pillow, I would have explained calmly how I didn’t want to be sprayed with gravel, and there was nothing but room behind me.

Thru experience at calming down irate customers at work, I have no issues doing this at other times. But I did enjoy the rush of maybe getting into one, lol.
 
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gondar1 said:
I've suffered from this problem since my teens. Not with inanimate objects but with people. Edit- Okay I guess these assholes cars are inanimate objects to, oops.

No problem with recognizing the stupidity of my actions and how much it wasn't worth it afterwards but the trick is seeing my reaction coming and stopping it before it happens. Another edit- I get this funny lil warm twinge in my stomach, about 3-4 secs after that I'm in trouble

This might sound goofy as all hell and it's not easy as I mentioned but when things get tense I've trained myself (as best as I can) to internally shout "CAMERA". Everybody has a fucking camera these days and sure as shit some editted footage is gonna be used to put you in some nice shiny bracelets if ur not careful.

Managing that anger is IMO especially important as you get older especially if their is another person involved. My brain still thinks I am the unofficial world champion tough guy but that signal surely is getting to my mouth, hands and feet at a snails pace compared to all y'all young bucks. Just a matter of time before I get tuned up if I persist with young G attitude.

PS hitting shit just doesn't make sense to me anyways lol but I must know a dozen guys who busted themselves up that way, a half dozen or so cut themselves horribly badly by punching windows out, not car widows which tend to crumble but storefront doors and shit like that.
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Was basically going to say the same….grow up and if you can’t control your emotions then definitely don’t run AAS.
 
Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink

One aspect of this book is to step back, analyze the situation, think of other perspectives and then decide what you’re going to do. I have never had anger issues so immature as to want to put holes in the wall but I think recognizing when to detach from a situation would be key.
 
A.B said:
Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink

One aspect of this book is to step back, analyze the situation, think of other perspectives and then decide what you’re going to do. I have never had anger issues so immature as to want to put holes in the wall but I think recognizing when to detach from a situation would be key.
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Ive been thinking about grabbing this book. I think you just sold it to me..haha
 
gondar1 said:
Sore hands and then some soul searching is the best case scenario for me. I endeavor to not have this experience anymore although to be honest I miss the rush. I try to push myself to take pride in using words to resolve issues now but to be honest again that's probably largely motivated by pursuit of continuing my fairly lengthy streak of not getting the shit kicked out of me. ;)
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Word...Some of us have backgrounds and peers that this was just the way of life. It was what it was and we all did it in the crew. My crew had patches on their backs and one of the most well known groups in the world. AND WE ALL were the same.

Now when this is normality for 4 decades of your life as we all grew up together side by side by side and 2 are first cousins and 1 my brother not blood related that lived with us until we both moved out at 15 yrs old...lol Then the shit started and continued for a few decades., trying to break it in a couple years is tough. Then one becomes provincial pres, its fun.

I like how you put things Gondar1, you are one of the OG's here, there are others as well, but some folks on FB, and here, and other social media platforms are posers and would shit their pants if they hung out with me and probably yourself for a night ( i don't assume, but i think you are a crazy fun mofo, that has a limit as well with disrespect etc.), never mind daily...lol..I have left the scene, and my brothers will always be my brothers and we love each other MLHR, but i live a very different life now, and want to be peaceful when i can be....

I will say i would rather just get along and i ALWAYS have an olive branch extended first ALWAYS!!. BUT, that olive branch can turn to a hard fucken stick or bat when need be and it is comforting knowing i do very well mostly win against some of the most brutal folks out there and i can handle myself and protect me and mine when required. I have lost, but always went back to sort it out...lol
I like peace and not looking out the window every time the door gets knocked upon, BUT i would NOT change a thing of my past.

I often say, do not let my past dictate who i am, instead i let it be part of who i have become.
My past was awesome and i lived a HELL Of a life, but i also find benefit in visiting my good friends at their place or their clubhouse etc, and i live far away now and go back to professional guy when i get home.
BUT as i shared a few times, i get shit thrown my way still, and i always try and be calm, but once the disrespect is continuing, i like the feeling of shutting it down, and i am starting to get an adrenaline rush writing this out right now and once i do that i start sharing shit that makes some uncomfortable, so i will stop now... Its nice to have the confidence, skills and abilities and have friends that will never leave you alone .
But i never, ever let anyone into my scraps, nor ever let any double teaming occur on my behalf. Its good to live knowing you are a machine, but always letting it idle, but when it comes out, shit gets going and never forgotten by those that are in the vicinity....

I never chat about my shit to anyone io work with as they have zero clue at all.
They know i am a good fella, with ties to certain things and they know i am not to be fucked with, but they truly have no clue for the majority, except one or two that have come out with me on my Harley for a day or so riding with a couple buddies, then they hear a few things...lol..

Its nothing to brag about, just good to know you have it...
Kind of like My Harley, nothing i brag about but sure fun to pull out when someone says they ride, and i share with them i ride as well, then we go....lolol...always fun to see the reactions to power of a machine and riding skills, kind of like fighting skills, when it comes out, a few folks go wtf.

I am semi trained for many years and lots of bare knuckle ring fighting a few years ago, some folks on here are OG's as well; with deep training, i just have a bit of crazy in me and ability to not lose my temper with adrenaline surges and i can make anything pretty much work in a scenario with strength, speed and power.
I never talk about this shit, but when i do, its hard to stop, i get adrenaline surges just from natural reaction due to many years just waiting...lolol... I am done now....fucken scrapping shit gets me every time...

I don't know karate, but i do know crazy and i don't like to use it...lolol
 
A.B said:
Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink

One aspect of this book is to step back, analyze the situation, think of other perspectives and then decide what you’re going to do. I have never had anger issues so immature as to want to put holes in the wall but I think recognizing when to detach from a situation would be key.
Click to expand...
I wouldn't call it immature, some folks have shit in their life you may never be able to relate to nor imagine.
The importance is self awareness and seeking a change.
Many things bring many folks to points they go to,Some within and some not within their immediate control....
BUT the important thing is recognizing it and seeking help, to say it is immature lacks depth and life experience, that is not immature to realize it and try and change it.
However carrying on like this and never seeing what you are, needs extra help and MAY be immature or Narcissism etc. Many, many things.

The book may be good for many folks, but just because someone has no temper does not make them above anyone in maturity, in fact at times it is the opposite...
MOM i'm home, is the basement ready for me and my sheltered life and view of life....
 
ironwill said:
I wouldn't call it immature, some folks have shit in their life you may never be able to relate to nor imagine.
The importance is self awareness and seeking a change.
Many things bring many folks to points they go to,Some within and some not within their immediate control....
BUT the important thing is recognizing it and seeking help, to say it is immature lacks depth and life experience, that is not immature to realize it and try and change it.
However carrying on like this and never seeing what you are, needs extra help and MAY be immature or Narcissism etc. Many, many things.

The book may be good for
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I agree I think if a person doesn't ever get pushed over his limit or looses his temper there's a good chance they aren't working hard enough or passionate about things in their life. Not all people but anger is a good thing it's just how we channel it that matters
 
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