Shouldn’t post this but… Anxiety

John Snow

Active member
Trusted Member
I know I shouldn’t post this but after another failed relationship, I started to write and this is it. I needed to post it somewhere and sorry guys but it’s the only place I found. Already posted it on Instagram but I feel like a ducking loser so I’ll probably delete it in max 15min. Here it is and thanks to the guys that will read it through. It’s just so hard to speak about it so here it is.

: A tale about anxiety 🪐
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The way it is we are on the way to score 200K on our first year. I used to dream about this but the thing is, The more I get, the more I feel like sh*t.
-
You don’t deserve all of this. You don’t want it
-
The voices keep teeling me.
-
And I believe them even if there was about 10% of chances that our company would survive a year
-
You’re just lucky, it’s because of your brother, you don’t deserve it. Why don’t you kill yourself to be done with it once and for all ?
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They keep telling me
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I was once told by the doctor that I had about 4% chance of living a stable life and then after achieving it against all odds, the voice told me
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Your family helped you, you piece of sh*t, it’s not 4% for you it’s 100% because of them, now shut up and listen to me. Put that gun on your head and pull the trigger. The world will be better without you in it.
-
I’ve built an exceptional physique over the course of 2 years yet not enough.
-
HAHAHA make me laugh you piece of sh*t, oh you worked 7 days a week for 730 days following a diet and working so hard that you were puking 2-3 times a week in the gym without cheating one time ?? Shut the f*ck up because you and me know that you were taking gear. Now all of this is nullified you piece of sh*t. Do better even if you’re still gonna hate yourself after that HAHAHA
-
This is the kind of battle That I’ve been having in my head for the last decade yet I’m still aiming for the top, hoping that it will get me the peace that I’m craving so bad…
-
Oh peace ? You will never have it as long as I’m with you. Remember when I came into your life in 2009 and told you I would never leave, until you change ? I lied HAHA, I’m here to stay, and even with god you won’t get rid of me and I’ll be there with a grin everytime you self sabotage your relationships because of me. Remember, every time that someone will tell you they love you ,you will doubt them and self sabotage because of me. I love you and YOU ARE mine, you better love me. We have met a long time ago, I guess it’s time for you to know my real name..
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My name is ‘The future’ but some people call me : Anxiety
 
Hi @John Snow - if this is how you feel please see your doctor and ask them to help you. If you already have and they haven't been much help, ask for a referral. I know a lot of people who beat anxiety but it took time, the right doctors, medication, and the help of their family and friends.

Best of luck beating this.
 
Hey brother, anxiety is a nasty beast. It's always telling you the things you never want to hear. It makes us take the most positive situations and self sabotage them. Because it's better ruin it first before it can ruin you.

I'm for the first time in my life in a relationship that I'd risk it all for, for a woman who builds me up everyday. Except everyday my anxiety tells me I'm just a fling, she'll grow bored, she's got something better lined up, you can't compare to her. I'm hoping one day i can convince myself for good before I self sabotage it so my anxiety cant be right.

Don't sell yourself short on ANY of your accomplishments. Everything you've succeeded at Is because you put the work in. If anyone helped at any point, cherish that you were able to succeed together. I'd rather build a home with someone and share it than live in a mansion alone(poor analogy).

But definitely take @Goldenrod advice. See your doctor. Try some anti-anxieties. Learn some breathing techniques, take some time and figure out who you trust most and give them a call when the anxiety hits. Talking it out and hearing someone's sincere opinion can do wonders. Don't build that shit up! Vent! Let it out.
 
I know I shouldn’t post this but after another failed relationship, I started to write and this is it. I needed to post it somewhere and sorry guys but it’s the only place I found. Already posted it on Instagram but I feel like a ducking loser so I’ll probably delete it in max 15min. Here it is and thanks to the guys that will read it through. It’s just so hard to speak about it so here it is.

: A tale about anxiety 🪐
-
The way it is we are on the way to score 200K on our first year. I used to dream about this but the thing is, The more I get, the more I feel like sh*t.
-
You don’t deserve all of this. You don’t want it
-
The voices keep teeling me.
-
And I believe them even if there was about 10% of chances that our company would survive a year
-
You’re just lucky, it’s because of your brother, you don’t deserve it. Why don’t you kill yourself to be done with it once and for all ?
-
They keep telling me
-
I was once told by the doctor that I had about 4% chance of living a stable life and then after achieving it against all odds, the voice told me
-
Your family helped you, you piece of sh*t, it’s not 4% for you it’s 100% because of them, now shut up and listen to me. Put that gun on your head and pull the trigger. The world will be better without you in it.
-
I’ve built an exceptional physique over the course of 2 years yet not enough.
-
HAHAHA make me laugh you piece of sh*t, oh you worked 7 days a week for 730 days following a diet and working so hard that you were puking 2-3 times a week in the gym without cheating one time ?? Shut the f*ck up because you and me know that you were taking gear. Now all of this is nullified you piece of sh*t. Do better even if you’re still gonna hate yourself after that HAHAHA
-
This is the kind of battle That I’ve been having in my head for the last decade yet I’m still aiming for the top, hoping that it will get me the peace that I’m craving so bad…
-
Oh peace ? You will never have it as long as I’m with you. Remember when I came into your life in 2009 and told you I would never leave, until you change ? I lied HAHA, I’m here to stay, and even with god you won’t get rid of me and I’ll be there with a grin everytime you self sabotage your relationships because of me. Remember, every time that someone will tell you they love you ,you will doubt them and self sabotage because of me. I love you and YOU ARE mine, you better love me. We have met a long time ago, I guess it’s time for you to know my real name..
-
My name is ‘The future’ but some people call me : Anxiety

Reach out to @Bagua
The man knows his stuff and will be able to suggest where you can go to get help
 
Kudos on opening up: I’m happy to see how many guys here are supportive! I suffer from depression and anxiety as well as two other diagnosis. I do my best to not let it run my life; but we all slip sometimes. Good on you for positive self talk, realize where those thoughts are coming from ! And realize… we are not our thoughts! Our brain even thinks it’s us but it’s not! As soon as you start watching the thoughts that come in, and let them pass , you’ll eventually see we have very little control over the thoughts that come into our mind. What we do have control of is what we do with those thoughts. I find it admirable you’re sharing this here and if you ever need an ear I’m here bro
 
@John Snow
I have shared the same words many times. It helps to unload the pressure of anxiety.
It really sounds like we share the same pressure as business owners and making sure staff and creditors are paid on time. Among other things. Its an anxiety thats different from the day to day life everyone lives.
You're not alone in how you feel and the most important question is Hows your sleep?
I found sleep to settle the anxiety the best. I have had to take zopiclone to get a full night sleep due to the body pain that would make me toss and turn all night.
2nd thing you need to do, stop talking bad about yourself because that just creates more anxiety. There's not a thing wrong with having a rough patch in life, if you never have one you're not living.
Get in and have yourself look at make sure your are honest with yourself and the doctor so you can be properly diagnosed.
It's a fuck of a road with a lot of bumps in it dealing with anxiety stress. You can spend the time filling them in or you can just walk around them, because those little bumps or set backs are easier to see when you slow down and take the time for your health.
Just remember 1 thing. Anxiety stress will go away but it needs a little help to the door.
 
If you have confidence in your doc, drop by and have a chat with them. Determine if you want to see a shrink for a proper diagnosis. Take some time to figure out if a med will help but remember you may go through a handful of different types before you find one that helps. Find a therapist that fits, and you are comfortable talking with. There is a cornucopia of therapeutic techniques that should be used with the meds. Meds alone are not enough.
I won't get into any of the techniques on an open board but look up Progressive Muscle Relaxation. It's a good start.
 
I know I shouldn’t post this but after another failed relationship, I started to write and this is it. I needed to post it somewhere and sorry guys but it’s the only place I found. Already posted it on Instagram but I feel like a ducking loser so I’ll probably delete it in max 15min. Here it is and thanks to the guys that will read it through. It’s just so hard to speak about it so here it is.

: A tale about anxiety 🪐
-
The way it is we are on the way to score 200K on our first year. I used to dream about this but the thing is, The more I get, the more I feel like sh*t.
-
I know how you feel. I think that's why for a couple years I didn't do anything with the money in the back, its like I pretended it wasn't there, I finally invested it. You worked hard to get it.
You don’t deserve all of this. You don’t want it
-
You deserve it and want it, or why would you bother trying so hard?
The voices keep teeling me.
-
And I believe them even if there was about 10% of chances that our company would survive a year
-
You’re just lucky, it’s because of your brother, you don’t deserve it. Why don’t you kill yourself to be done with it once and for all ?
-
Don't kill yourself, and if you feel like doing it, think of the people that depend on you like your employees or partner. That's what I do.
They keep telling me
-
I was once told by the doctor that I had about 4% chance of living a stable life and then after achieving it against all odds, the voice told me
-
Your family helped you, you piece of sh*t, it’s not 4% for you it’s 100% because of them, now shut up and listen to me. Put that gun on your head and pull the trigger. The world will be better without you in it.
-
Doesn't matter how much someone has given you a hand, if you didn't run with it and do something, nothing would have happened. Your success was from you. Tell the voices to fuck off.
I’ve built an exceptional physique over the course of 2 years yet not enough.
-
HAHAHA make me laugh you piece of sh*t, oh you worked 7 days a week for 730 days following a diet and working so hard that you were puking 2-3 times a week in the gym without cheating one time ?? Shut the f*ck up because you and me know that you were taking gear. Now all of this is nullified you piece of sh*t. Do better even if you’re still gonna hate yourself after that HAHAHA
-
I feel guilty sometimes about taking gear and don't want others to think thats why I look like I do. Plus I think I am not good enough most of the time. But I force myself by putting up pictures and such to get rid of those feelings.
This is the kind of battle That I’ve been having in my head for the last decade yet I’m still aiming for the top, hoping that it will get me the peace that I’m craving so bad…
-
Oh peace ? You will never have it as long as I’m with you. Remember when I came into your life in 2009 and told you I would never leave, until you change ? I lied HAHA, I’m here to stay, and even with god you won’t get rid of me and I’ll be there with a grin everytime you self sabotage your relationships because of me. Remember, every time that someone will tell you they love you ,you will doubt them and self sabotage because of me. I love you and YOU ARE mine, you better love me. We have met a long time ago, I guess it’s time for you to know my real name..
-
My name is ‘The future’ but some people call me : Anxiety
Dude, we all go thru some sort of issues like this, you are not alone.
Lately I've been thinking what is the point to all of this? I am extremely bored and think of the unthinkable, but then I think of how many people rely on me.

You can message if you want to talk, I'll have no solutions but sometimes just being able to unload helps.
 
Wow, I wasn’t expecting that kind of support. Thanks everyone for your replies. I’ll try to write a bit about my situation, but it’s really helpful to read all the replies and feel like I’m not alone. I can really relate to a lot of what you guys are saying so thank you all for that.
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I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for a decade now and I’ve been through a LOT of medication. From every single anti psychotic to almost every kind of anti depressor. The anxiolytics are a no go for me too. Didn’t feel better as the voice of anxiety kept coming back, it’s not really the anxiety itself the problem.

the fact is that I profoundly hate myself and feel like I don’t deserve anything good because I’m too fucked up, then the anxiety comes and make me scared of social interactions for example. I become really toxic as soon as I’m in a relationship, I self sabotage by being jealous and always accusing the girl of having ulterior motive.
Typical when you think everyone else is better than you. So I’m projecting my insecurities, at least that’s what I think.

I tried mindfulness, read some books but when I train hard and focus on it, that’s when I feel the best and nothing makes me feel better than this. And it’s even better when I’m on a cycle.

It doesn’t matter how much I achieve, it always seems like it’s never enough.

This is the battle of my life and I still believe that its possible to win it. I just need to keep working and maybe one morning I’ll wake up and the days won’t be that gray anymore.

~John
 
Did mindfulness help?
Yes, I used to do it all the time. It’s easy and really help when the thoughts become too invasive BUT I stopped doing it. I don’t know why, it works on the short term but this distorted image I have of myself is so ingrained in me that It became me. Maybe I’m wrong, I don’t know but it’s my entire perception of myself and other peoples that need to change. Mindfulness would help when my thoughts became too invasive but that’s about it.
 
Hey man, I def share some of these issues. Becoming toxic in relationships is one. I'm twice divorced here so that can tell you something. I'm also extremely ambitious and fairly successful but also never seems like enough. Anxiety as well is a mega issue. I even suffer from nocturnal panic disorder when life gets real shaky. Look man, we're all some sort of fucked up and so are most of the women we date. Take a deep breath and celebrate your wins man. I know it's easier said than done. Ground yourself, look at the things you have and have accomplished. I feel like all this has to do with learning to love yourself. It will take time but these emotional chemical reactions usually start with a thought. Thing is I feel like when we've been behaving a certain way for a long time, the chemical reactions can be triggered by habit, like our bodies are conditioned to have the chemical reaction that creates the emotion. That said, it's as though we no longer have control over the thought because the chemical reaction happens first then the negative thoughts follow. Not sure if that makes sense.

I feel like there is great power in taking time to think, really taking time to sit down, control your body and think about best possible outcomes related to situations. It's like we need to reprogram the mind to think differently.

For example, I'm currently in a relationship with a girl I'm crazy about. We've been together 2.5 year now so we've had our ups and downs. I have given her a hard time because of my own worst possible outcome thoughts, it's happened. I have started thinking about best possible outcomes too now. Say we're having a rough time over something or we fought over something stupid like jealousy or whatever, I could go right into the "this is the end" "life is over" thoughts or I could just believe it's going to be ok. I could also look at even the possible of the termination of the relationship being ok. I could think "yeah its going to suck to break up but maybe we'll both be happier"

Not everything has to be devastating and not everything has to be your fault. Let it go sometimes man. I remember once a while ago while I was in an AA meeting, and older guy that was sober a long time was losing everything he had. was just a really sad situation. He said something that stuck with me so much i got it tattooed on my forearm. He said "I just have to let that shit go" I literally have Let it go tattooed on my forearm pretty big lol.

Look I'm no where near out of the woods with the struggles I have that are similar to yours but if we really concentrate hard and go at our thoughts and chemical reactions to those thought like some intense dog training program, I really do believe we can rewire the circuitry that causes these issues.
 
Good on you for sharing. I started a thread awhile back as well.

Mine will always be there, feelings of not deserving or being good enough and blowing shit up rather than lose it.
You won't lose it, keep driving and winning.

I am finally coming to terms with the fact i am good person, i do well, i work hard and deserve good.

Mine stems from chronic abuse as a wee lad from my mother and then kicking me out on my own at 15 yrs old. Never borrowing from anyone and becoming fiercely independent.
Hell if your mom and dad can abandon you and let you know you are not worth anything at all and fending for yourself from 15 on. If that doesn't jostle the mind with abandonment issues and anxiety im not sure what could.

Not about me, just pointing out you are not alone. I am getting better all the time and in a much better place than i once was.

I use GABA asa staple with magnesium and potassium supplementation. Mine is a mental thing, but these supplements help in an amazing way.
Many of us are low in Magnesium and potassium anyway, and GABA and Ashwaghanda helps to keep things in check and very much muzzles those voices in your brain.

300 mg Magnesium
2500 mg potassium
500 mg GABA two times per day in am and late afternoon
Aswaghanda a couple times per day.

FYI a cycle will exaggerate these feelings EVERY TIME, no matter what anyone tells you, it magnifies it a loy even low doses. It sucks even more going into a PCT while like that. So keep that in mind and use supplements to off set these negative anxiety issues the same as we do for estrogen sides, prolactin sides etc.
Anxiety IS A SIDE EFFECT for many of us...Not all but many.
Same as gyno is a side for many and not all.

Supplements work and work very well for this, so please start supplementing asap as i mentioned above to start and go see a doc if you trust them and they are knowledgeable in this area.
I started with supplements and changed my life brother.
 
Wow, I wasn’t expecting that kind of support. Thanks everyone for your replies. I’ll try to write a bit about my situation, but it’s really helpful to read all the replies and feel like I’m not alone. I can really relate to a lot of what you guys are saying so thank you all for that.
-
I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for a decade now and I’ve been through a LOT of medication. From every single anti psychotic to almost every kind of anti depressor. The anxiolytics are a no go for me too. Didn’t feel better as the voice of anxiety kept coming back, it’s not really the anxiety itself the problem.

the fact is that I profoundly hate myself and feel like I don’t deserve anything good because I’m too fucked up, then the anxiety comes and make me scared of social interactions for example. I become really toxic as soon as I’m in a relationship, I self sabotage by being jealous and always accusing the girl of having ulterior motive.
Typical when you think everyone else is better than you. So I’m projecting my insecurities, at least that’s what I think.

I tried mindfulness, read some books but when I train hard and focus on it, that’s when I feel the best and nothing makes me feel better than this. And it’s even better when I’m on a cycle.

It doesn’t matter how much I achieve, it always seems like it’s never enough.

This is the battle of my life and I still believe that its possible to win it. I just need to keep working and maybe one morning I’ll wake up and the days won’t be that gray anymore.

~John
Morning @John Snow - many men don't want to talk about anxiety or depression as we are taught this is weakness. Especially if you are an older person as in 40 plus. There is episodal anxiety and depression and everyone goes through it unless your a sociopath when someone you love dies, a marriage breakdown, etc. and there is chronic anxiety and depression that is a disease. It is no different than diabetes. You may have a chemical imbalance that needs to be corrected.
I am not qualified to diagnose anyone but I have watched strong men crippled over nothing and run out of restaurants and have to hide in my bedroom (we had to pay the bill and leave) for an hour while we wait for their panic attack to pass - don't be embarrassed as many are in the same scenario but don't talk about it.

You had the strength to openly discuss how you feel so be proud of your strength to share it with the forum. Its sounds like you have tried a lot and need someone who can help you with the negative thinking - again, not qualified to give any medical advice but I know there are therapists who specialize in this.

Listen to some of the things @ironwill wrote as you may want to avoid PED's or stick with test only, I don't really know what depression or anxiety in a chronic state feels like but I have experienced trauma in my life and know what it is like to worry. Supplements helped but some are a slipperly slope.
@Brbpuppy recommended Kratom and did so to be a kind person but keep in mind regular use of kratom is addictive. It is an opioid and dulls your senses - that is why it works.
The ones Ironwill recommended are not addictive.

Keep your chin up, you can beat this.
 
I tried and couldn't count the numnber of people in my life who battle with anxiety on both my hands.. Some of those are super close relatives and friends.. others are co-workers.. But for each one of them its a very very difficult and constant battle. It fucks with their brain all day everyday.. It's a war inside their head agsinst themselves all day everyday.. One even told me "it's like my brain isn't even my brain anymore"..

Get help brother.. It is easier when you get help.. Get a doc appointment for a refferal to a speciaist and start seeing a therapist. Get yourself diagnosed.. sadly most doctors think anxiety is just anxiety and toss a pill at you.. It's not that simple.. So many forms of anxiety and even more causes.. Get help, don't even try to do it alone.

And honestly, if you live with anyone, tell them.. they likely need to talk to someone to learn to live with you and support you.. the person who lives with someone with anxiety needs just as much help as the person who has anxiety.

I'm no pro, but I've been helping a loved one with their anxiety for the last 3 three years on a daily basis.. your welcome to pm me with what we've done together, what we've tried, what worked for us and what didn't etc..
 
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